Language Literature Narrative

Feedback affects in an unknown way and time span.

Poetry nights with community elders was a way to shape conduct and train the young generation to be determined and create peace in their society. A lot of proverbs were said and taught to us by use of songs and rhythmic poems. One of the interesting stories was the one of a girl called Ndabaga who made herself like a boy to go and succeed her father on battle because only boys could go. By then, I was the most bored person in the room, but as time went on, I became much more interested due to how enlightening these stories were about life principles. It did not end in interest but was nominated to be the head of children’s cultural gatherings. My duty was to remind all the children about the next evening meetings and let them know the venue because we mostly gathered at one of the gardens of an elder.

We not only gathered with the elders for poems, but also started learning how to compose stories that would give effective morals to our fellow children at the age of 9 years. My friends became good writers, but I kept struggling to see if I could also write like my grandfather. My friend Kiwi whom I always approached for feedback and correction, usually said how weak my writing was and that would not be presented to the elders. I was writing about kids who were experts in making plastic toy cars in the village and I thought that would help me improve but as she continued to emphasize my weakness, her tone rang differently in my ears so, I decided to drop the ball and try other things.

Kiwi’s feedback made me anxious not only in writing but also in everything to be presented in front of people. I recalled that our elders also told us that the wise learns from others. I started a new journey of learning from everyone giving a word and I believed it would sharpen my communication skills. Communication is the only way that people can interact with others, so I had to learn. Whenever I was in a group of people, I prioritized hearing so that I could learn more from the group. I thought that this way of learning would enrich my communication, but I was wondering why I felt uncomfortable withholding all my ideas. I would get ideas but had no way to let them out because my writing was down, and I did not even feel ready enough to speak to an audience hence speaking became an issue too. So, a lot of ideas accumulated inside me, and I felt a kind of internal pressure that I would not explain. I had to find a way to get rid of that feeling.

Later, I tried to start giving a few of my ideas to reduce the internal pressure caused by feelings that are not given out, but people’s critic shut me down. They started asking me if it is that I am shy or I ignore others in conversations. What would I say without knowing? How could I know without hearing? I did not get the reason why people condemned me for not speaking out, yet I did not have something effective enough to my audience. I preferred hearing to speaking but society took it to another level. They made me feel inferior that I am not confident to share my ideas. Whenever I was in certain gatherings that required people to interact and give ideas, I always felt not ready to present to the congregation. I struggled to polish my points so that they make a lot of sense but ended up out of time to give the ideas. I would always take time to speak, hence saying the less I think is polished but was not always enough as required. This brought me out as an unassured person in the room that even what I called less was not given time anymore because people seemed fade up with my long-time processing. My communication became a disaster in my life.

This was not until I joined high school, a girls’ school in the Eastern Province, the most dry area of the country. In our English class, we were asked to write a speech about the topics we were given by the teacher. Our teacher who was a tall Nigerian vibrant lady instructed me to talked about the impact of social influencers on the raise of human standards about greatness, surprisingly, I came in the top five of the class. This was my first time receiving a complement about my writing and speaking at the same time. I felt a sense of revival in my communication and was encouraged again to present my ideas but in a certain way that I still needed to decide on. I resumed writing stories that I had paused due to my friend’s discouragement even though I was still not open to share with anyone for feedback. I still held the mindset that requesting feedback results in discouragement so, I avoided any kind of showcasing my stories. I wrote many fairy tales and speech-like essays of any topic I thought of but exposing my work was another case that I considered a threat to me. I was afraid of being criticized again and losing my new way of letting out my feelings and ideas. I was trapped in that cage of fear and had no one to encourage me and let me out. I could write stories and only read them to my younger sister who always appreciated the fictious world I created in her mind.

After all, I was disturbed by the College application phase because we had to write essays that would convince the student admission offices. I struggled with college application personal essays and other additional information writings. They were so complicated to compose due to my lack of confidence but of course, I had to figure out what to do. Most of my classmates took at most a week to finish up but I took months to feel ready to present to the University counselor for editing. I was afraid to hear her feedback because most of the students complained about her essay rejections. I was thinking of how she would drop my work and I would start over, yet I was running out of time with application deadlines of the Colleges I was applying to. I prayed so hard that God does a miracle and blind her at least for that time so that I pass on. God did!
I am grateful that it came to pass, and I am now attending a composition class that will enrich my writing skills and let my hands know that they can give presentable outcomes. My long-time processing that bores my audience will be cleared and I will be a good speaker to my audience. This virus that Kiwi raised in my mind about feedback inquiry and inability to write will fade away. My hand will be able to provide compositions that can also be put on stage with other writings because from all I had from our elders’ proverbs on our evenings, there was no giving up. Their emphasis was to keep pushing, aim higher, and no settling for less. Their saying was “Ushaka inka aryama nkayo” which is a Kinyarwanda saying to mean that he who wants a cow, lays like a cow. Since I am aiming at improvement in my communication skills, I should act accordingly. All I am aiming at is prosperity in writing and presenting my compositions so I should look like a hustler to achieve this prosperity. I should sleep, walk, prepare, and work like a ready-to-achieve lady. This is what my elders taught me.

Through this hustle in writing and speaking, I can tell how essential communication is to human wellbeing. Everyone deserves to be given an opportunity to present their ideas and the patience to wait for their readiness. Whether long or short, less or much, speaking or writing, it is essential to the person because failure to communicate causes internal conflicts that can result in depression and inferiority. As ideas accumulate inside someone, they become a burden in their hearts because people always need to be heard so that they take the world to be fair and feel considered and useful. When someone keeps all ideas to themselves or is denied an opportunity to give them, they think that they have nothing to change on whatever happens in their community and the world at large, yet we need transformation. They will hardly trust in themselves, hence less courage to develop themselves.

Today, I acknowledged how communication is more than interaction with people but also biologically important. The amygdala that oversees expression of emotions is disturbed to evoke anxiety when a person does not express their feelings as they feel. I felt anxious and insecure wherever I would go just because of my unreadiness to communicate. I was afraid that someone would ask me to say even a single word. Even the minor things became a disaster to me just because of a few events that put down my communication confidence. Critics can help but some people can be negatively affected hence words should be regulated because they are hardly forgotten.
A word is just like a seed that is put into ground, may be forgotten but when its time of germination reaches, it comes out more significant than when it was sown. I may forget Kiwi’s name, but always remember her statements that put me down every time I asked her for feedback. The words that she used may not have been as strong as they caused a long-term consequence to my social and emotional life but because words are more than the said, they evoke other feelings. Words are unperishable because they stick to mind until it is their right time to act.
Now, I may not have fully recovered but at least I developed a growth mindset that will keep pushing towards the greatness that I am looking forward to. My communication went through a lot, but it is finally at its space of learning and improvement. As I learned how essential words and communication are, I pay attention when I am to give feedback to someone because it encourages them for a certain time I may not know. A word, whether written or spoken, is so persistent that a few can erase it from one’s mind and acts like a catalyst in a good or bad way.